always ready
what am i hoping to no longer be in pain for? what fear fuels me now?
two facets:
- i need to get back up so you can knock me down again, I need to ability to withstand, to continue to withstand, this one is rooted in the past
- i want to enjoy life, the tightening in my neck impedes me, rooted in past and present
a contradiction, a paradox: to enjoy the moment, you must release the desire to create a perfect one
how do we deal with our changing opinions of others? am I still hedging against my fear of being hurt
I speak in generalities now, specifics elude me. so much fear surrounds them. baseless fear, I believe.
- being in pain sucks.
Nihilistic Porcupine 