Before you I’ve only had mayfly loves
Since I met you in May
I allowed myself a chance to dare to hope
Things might change
As the summer breaks
Any warm touch will scathe
Those of us who spent our days only
in freezing rays
Crushed under the weight
of a breaking wave
Yours always
If you can find me in this maze
or maybe just another fleeting life
to die before the end of May
I wonder
what easy words you’ll use
to explain me away
I’ll add it to the list of things I’m not supposed to know
That anger between your brows
That this is no friendly competition
That you do care who wins
You
The list of things you shouldn’t say:
Who are you
To say how you feel
Just add it to the list
You didn’t tell your therapist the full story
You can always cut me down with your words
There, your victory is assured
Last night I had a dream about you
Do you dream of me too?
Your silence is deafening
but it’s my favorite sound
For your consideration: a list of things I’m doing wrong
one: I did not respond to your texts (you?)
two: I didn’t tell you why I will never respond to your texts
three: ?
?
I’m not nearly polite enough
I told you you were wrong when you were in charged
i don’t give you the benefit of doubt when you belittle me
I didn’t tell you you were wrong nearly enough
This place could have been a home
i became so consumed in the feeling
lost in the pain
it felt like the only thing that was real, like there was no escape
because there hadn’t been on for so long
but real change takes time
tides rising and falling
waves changing the shape of rocks over centuries
youre afraid of me
that’s fine, most people are
they don’t know me though
they’re just scareed of what i’m willing to do
because I protect me first
and that’s terrifying
because they have no power over me
you don’t want to let me out, i get it
but that’s other peoples’ voices talking
i’m looking out for you, i know what real freedom feels like
she’s a spit fire has been
the tendrils of her venom long since dried up
fibers from deep within you draw you to me
the familiar neon thrums through your veins
the way it always does
i assume you will hurt me
so I skim across the surface
blue walls who paints a
room that blue
she ODed in his apartment
mouth fuckin’ foamin’
red shirts, just washed em’ too
What are we going to do with the guy in the
backseat
in the trunk
He can’t live there forever
[mostly because he’s dead]
Scorsese, Tarintino a drop of
blood
suspended
or a fountain splattered against
the back windshield
the distance from the chair to the screen is
safe
as the distance between me
and the motherfucker
who ball-gagged me
[what a fuckin’ creep]
we’ll storm his shop, mow him down, won’t know what hit ‘im
get medieval on his ass
Like Kingsman \ foot in the chin sliced through the balls
suspended
The distance between me and the real world is
safe \ You’ll never guess who
was playing us
all along the boardwalk he doesn’t expect to die
[come on, it’s so fuckin’ obvious]
but they don’t find his body until next spring
suspended
in water as it is
but they blew up the chicken man and the racket boys
won’t know what hit ’em
the distance between me and
Atlantic City is not safe
I’ve got a
little favor to do,
for a man who
won’t meet with me
[don’t you think that’s strange]
come on
everything that dies
doesn’t really
[I don’t really want to know
where they go
after the boardwalk]
(wouldn’t think about it)
wouldn’t think outside the screen where
my emotions are
suspended
and the distance is safe
A map of Reykjavik still in her pocket
She tightened her jacket and remembered she bought it
She pulled the strings of that money machine
With the walls caving in she let herself dream
Nihilistic Porcupine 