bottoms dream 12

Raymond’s fingers trembled over the words of the tattered paperback. His voice did not rise above a whisper, melancholy settling deep into his bones.

“The emotions that go with these images of bottoming are reluctance, loathing, sadness, mourning, inhibition, enclosure, lethargy…”

Rose’s head had fallen against his shoulder as the bus bumped along to God knows where at God knows what time in the morning. Their only guide the roles assigned by lot. She could have leaned against the window, but the window did not offer the numbness that took away the burning of her blood through her veins. Her role the inward pressure on drowning lungs. Impossible apart.

“…or that sense of depth that presses on us as depression, oppression,
suppression.” Her touch was a strange sensation, like warm ocean water spreading from his left side to his right, filling the space his emotion had left. His role the rationality of murder to save one’s own life. Impossible apart.

“Our downward imagination has entered the earth.” Raymond gently grasped Rose’s hand on the palm where there was no physical scar. He rested his head against hers.

“Bottom’s dream.” My blood is yours.

bottoms dream 11

“Doctor?”

“Yes, Johnson?”

“Perhaps we should discuss…recent events.” The doctor fell silent. Johnson continued anyway. “Like it or not, we’ve got a mess to clean up.” The doctor remained silent. Johnson sighed in frustration. “Don’t do this, Doctor. We’ve got two dangerous teens on the loose. We don’t know where they’re going and we don’t know what they can do. And all because you decided to join the
Hillman fan club.”

Johnson held his breath for the reaction to his outburst. Then a strange thing happened. First the doctor was silent. Then Johnson heard a strange sound. A serious of short gasps escaped the doctor’s mouth. He was laughing. A wide smile spread over his cheeks.

“We’ve done it, Johnson. We’ve found what is below. And we know what we are without it.” Johnson’s anger finally boiled over.

“This isn’t some science experiment,” Johnson boomed. “That’s my daughter!” Johnson delivered his ultimatum. “You will bring her back. You will reverse the damage you’ve done.”

“She’s not your daughter anymore,” the doctor grinned and shook his head. Johnson paused, fear and disgust trembling on his face. “She’s his soul.”

Still trembling, Johnson struggled to contain his rage.

“Doctor?”

“Hmm?”

“Where is that blasted book of yours anyway?”

bottoms dream 10

Raymond regarded Rose impassively through the one-way window.

“The subjects have been separated until further notice.”

“So your answer is containment, Doctor?” Rose paced the room. She looked constantly through the window, impossibly, directly at Raymond. With each glance,
her eyes clouded over more, and with each glance, she grew more frantic, the warmth Raymond craved burning through her. He needed her. They were impossible apart. “Doctor?” Johnson repeated. He brought his white-knuckled grip to the edge of the metal table. “Doctor, what happens to her?”

“Let’s get Raymond out of here,” the doctor sighed. Raymond stood, and Rose stopped. She needed him. They were impossible apart. The clouds brought full shadows to her eyes. She walked slowly to the window.

Mea sanguina est tua.” The words uttered at a whisper carried over with a shiver to the room beyond the window. Raymond’s eyes darkened.

Dolor,” he responded, and this time she delivered her pain.

the vice 1

Philo leaned against the ropes of the theater’s curtain. The show was running on the lit stage in front of him. That’s how it always was. Philo stuck to the corner. No one would think about who built the set or who was running the lights. They would watch the actors pantomiming human emotions. They would be entertained. They might laugh. They might cry. All the while forgetting what the play really was. A fake.

The stage manager walked up to Philo.
“Get ready for the set change,” she ordered. Philo nodded. “Remember, the
prince goes offstage and we need to get the bed on as quickly as possible. I know this is just a rehearsal, but you know what they say: practice like you play.”

Philo nodded again, but he wasn’t listening.

The pain was crawling through his toes. It shot though his legs, and now it
was crawling again. Higher, higher, his navel, his ribs. His heart.

It stabbed.

His chin met his knee. He barely heard the stage manager’s voice as it trickled
down to him.

“Philo, are you are right?” He focused on his eyes. His jaw muscle’s strained.
His joints screamed as he straightened out and brushed Dora off.

“I’m fine…just…leave me alone…” He ran, or that’s what he planned to do. He
only stumbled a couple steps before he slammed into a row of lockers.

He was going to die.

This is what happened when you forgot to take the drug. You died. Philo was
going to die. Then they’d all know. They’d know that the vice had grabbed him
around the neck. He could almost hear their voices now.

“He seemed like such a nice guy.” It was always seemed with the drug deaths.

None of them were nice, but they all had seemed that way. The only kindnesses the deceased would get were the denials. “It can’t be. I don’t believe it,” like being on the Drug made them a different person, like it made all their good deeds go away.

Now Philo was heading to that same place, to that same despair in death. His
head was spiraling, his vision blackening.
Cold glass pressed into his palm. He dared not look. It felt like the Vice, [his
savior now]. But what if it wasn’t?

He opened his hand. A blue liquid shimmered at him.

It was the Drug. His blurred eyes caught a brown head of hair. The head turned and nodded. He didn’t have time or energy to follow his savior, but now he
had the drug. He could live, at least for now.

bottoms dream 9

Rose knelt in the crypts. She felt she was praying, but she could not quite be sure what that meant as Rose herself knew nothing of the god she prayed to or even the words she used to reach this mysterious power. It was vigil, ritual, atonement, and supplication, all at once,
and to any god that would listen.

Raymond’s reluctant footsteps went this time unanswered. He was forced to light his own torch–Rose would raise no flame for him now.

“Rose?”

“Your Majesty.” Her respect in and of itself was disrespectful. He hated that she would not fight him.

“I am here to avenge my uncle’s death.” He hoped that by playing his part he could fill the interaction with some meaning and dispel the lethargy that pulled his legs to the floor.

“You know I did not kill him.”

“But my parents wish me to kill you.”

“The superego ordering the execution of the id. They are always at war.” She raised her fingers to her temples. “You must kill me.”

“Excuse me?”

“I am an unnecessary presence. I will fight, but you must kill me. If you could drive back darkness with your sword, would you hesitate?” Raymond moved towards her with the toe of his boot. Drawing a sword from her back, she spun around and faced him for her final
fight. It was only in the haze of dream that Raymond could remember the words from the doctor’s tattered book so perfectly.

“’The blood soul. In other words the inner connection to the unconscious again leads to a sense of soul, an experience of an inner life, a place where meanings home…befriending is the feeling approach to the dream, and so one takes care receiving the dream’s feelings, as with a living person with whom we begin a relationship.’”

Rose pulled back, letting the tip of her sword drop just an inch. Grabbing her wrist, Raymond pulled her free hand towards him. Her eyes went wide. Only then did he draw his sword. Rose watched him in a rare display of fear, but she could not compel herself to stop him.
He sliced his own palm first, then hers.

As he pressed the cuts firmly together he pulled her hand close to his chest. Her sword clattered the stone crypt floor.
Mea sanguina est tua,” he whispered with spell-like intensity. Their blood filled the air around them, and together they swam up from the deep.

bottoms dream 8

The doctor’s office seemed purposely deserted. Rose had not been gentle on the lock, but the door was open, and there was nothing between the walls. Raymond followed her like a wraith. He was passive, but he was here–that counted for something. Rose did not offer him
even a small part of her attention. That attention was busy burning through the papers littering the doctor’s desk as she rifled through them.

Raymond had come on some unspoken contract that they would find out, for better or worse, what the hell was going on, but it was Rose and her conviction that had brought them here. Raymond absentmindedly thumbed through a tattered and dog-eared copy of Blue Fire. By James Hilman. He had no idea who that was.

“What are you looking for, Rose?”Raymond asked, wraith-like. Rose bent over and growled deep in her throat.

“Something, anything.” Her impatience seemed directed at Raymond. The boy attempted to set things straight.

“I changed too, you know,” he said. Rose stood up. He had gained, for better or worse, her full attention.

“You?” her lip curled around the front edge of the word. “All you’ve become is more perfect. The girls fall over themselves when you walk through the door.” She raised the pitch of her voice and taunted Raymond with the tilt of her head. “Oh, Raymond, you’re so handsome. I don’t understand
this. You’re so smart, Raymond. Can you help me? Oh, Raymond, I’d die for you, Raymond.”

She edged closer to her target, their noses only inches apart, and dared him with her eyes to retaliate. “And what are you to deserve that?” Raymond’s response, more than anything,
was surprise. He did not speak before Rose herself registered the surprise and, realizing what she had done, turned away from her victim. Her searching became frantic.

“What did they do to me?” Raymond reached out to touch her shoulder. His intent was to pull her back, to restrain her from herself. She turned around at his touch. Tears threatened the corner of her eyes. The touch seemed precariously uncertain, like train wheels tipping on
the edge of the track. “What did I become?” she asked, her voice cracking. From the edge of her arm to the tips of his fingers spread an untamable warmth. Raymond grasped her other arm in an urge only to possess that warmth. Loud sounds and rough hands pulled him away from the dangerous heat.

He heard the doctor’s words ring impassively through the numbness spreading again through his chest.

“‘The most distressing images in teams and fantasies, those we shy from for their disgusting distortion and perversion, are precisely the ones that break the allegorical frame of what we think we know about this person or that, this trait of ourselves or that the ‘worst’ images are thus the best, for they are the ones that restore a figure to its pristine
power as a numinous person at work in the soul.’”

But you took her away, the numbness in his chest only dully responded.

bottoms dream 7

Raymond knelt before his father’s throne.

“You may stand,” the king graciously allowed. Raymond disliked this formality, but played his grudging part because this was one of the many formalities on which the ruling Castells insisted.

“You called for me, your majesty?” the prince answered. The mocking edge of his voice persisted although he parents had long since begun to ignore it.

“The public memorial in honor of your uncle is approaching.”

“I am aware.”

“You must remember to publicly pledge to avenge his death.” Raymond’s jaw must have dropped, but he would not have known–his entire face had gone numb at the suggestion. He quickly regained his wits.

“What an honor. We all wish get back at God for the way he has treated us.”

“Please forget your jests,” the queen interceded.

“Your uncle was murdered,” the king chided. “Must you act like this?” Raymond’s defiance flared.

“All that murdered your uncle was old age and his love for wine.”

“You know who slaughtered him yet you refused to accept it. Do not turn your back on us. Do not refuse to face the traitor who walks between our walls.”

Cornered by responsibility, Raymond parroted his father’s orders reluctantly.

“I will avenge the death of Prince Henry Castell and kill the traitor who walks between our walls.”

bottoms dream 6

Rose’s pulse had steadied. Johnson watched the monitors compulsively, like a father concerned for his daughter–except it was nothing like that.

“Were tranquilizers necessary, Doctor?”

“You tell me, Johnson.”

“Do you have any idea what you’ve created?”

“I believe I do.”

“Please enlighten me.”

“The soul is polytheistic in nature, meaning its divisions are original and natural. Psychoanalysts have attempted to identify these divisions since Freud named the ego, the id, and the superego, but his names were only the first. Jung, Hilman, Lacan – and many a lesser man have attempted to split the psyche. Are you familiar with any of these theorists?”

“Jung identified the animus, the shadow, and the self.”

“Impressive, Johnson. In all these iterations, despite their many differences, there is included the darker side of human nature, the shadow as Jung describes it. That untamed darkness, that animalistic passion exists beneath the surface of the unconscious mind, and we, I believe, have unearthed it.”

“We have created …a shadow?”

“No, no, not a shadow. ‘To call this unformed void of psychopathic darkness in one’s nature the shadow does it only partial justice, because shadow tends to mean moral evil as seen from ego. But chaos refers to a prima material, indicating a peculiar inherent
connection between the worst inert sludge of human nature.’ Do you understand the distinction, Johnson?”

“We’ve unearthed the sludge of human nature?”

“Exactly. The prima materia, what all else is made from.”

“But will you do?”

“Bring them together again.”

“And that will fix her?”

“We’re on the edge of discovery. I will not go back now.”

“Not even if you’ve permanently damaged one of your subjects?”

“They knew the risks.”

“With all due respect, Doctor, I don’t believe you knew the risks.”

“Science calls for sacrifice.” A pause.

“What is it, Johnson?”

“You know, I’m really beginning to dislike that blasted book of yours.”

subtlety & subterfuge 1

The Kensingtons’ apartments were aglow. The transformed room’s luminescence esteemed the ball in the opinions of the young guests as the most magnificent they had ever seen; but even the less youthful guests could be prevailed upon to assent to its magnificence.

The ball had been arranged on the favour promised by the indulgent Mrs. Kensington to Alice, the youngest sister of Miss Abbott. The favour was not lost on young Alice who now chatted amiably with a group of young men, the former having taken her leave of dancing to catch her breath.

Miss Victoria Abbott herself occupied the least conspicuous corner of the room, enjoying the company of her sister and closest friend Ella. They were at that moment commenting on the quality of the company when a young man whom they had seen often and heard of much more often joined them to make his first acquaintance with the two eldest Abbotts. The young man bowed.

“I hope you will excuse my intrusion,” he began, “but I could not help overhearing your lively commentary on the company I have only recently had the pleasure of acquainting myself. I expect you will forgive my desire to understand your opinions of your friends of many years.” Miss Abbott stiffly but courteously bowed in response.

“Your intrusion is not unwelcome.”

“I thank you. Excuse me, for it seems I have forgotten to introduce myself. I am Julius Kinsley.”

“Victoria Abbott.” Ella curtsied.

“Ella.”

“A pleasure.” Mr. Kinsley’s eyes lingered on Ella before he spoke again, contemplating her sparing communication attributing it to shyness of sudden and unexpeceted company.

“Please, continue your conversation, I meant not to interrupt.” Ella contrary to Mr. Kinsley’s fleeting first impression, began amiably the revival of a tired topic between the two sisters.

“We were simply noticing, Mr. Kinsley, how different some people seem to be at balls and yet how remarkably similar others are.”

“And if you shouldn’t mind telling a stranger, Miss Ella, who were the objects of your observations?”

“Have you had the pleasure of an acquaintance with Lottie Norwood?”

“It may be that I have. I have no recollection of whether we met on the floor or the side of it so much lively company have I enjoyed since my arrival,” Kingsley noted.

“She enjoys whichever is more popular at the moment. She can now be seen to the side of the floor boasting of her latest attachment.”