there are monsters in small places 9

The old man with a twisted hand had worked in the lighthouse since he was twenty-three and his hand was not twisted. He had not been twenty-three for quite some time and his left hand had been straight and untwisted for most of his life, but he would still always be known as the old man with the twisted hand. His left thumb had been twisted to the other side of his hand when a sixty-foot sea snake crushed it on the lip of its cave. Everyone in Brightview knew about the snake, but few had ever seen it, and the old man with a twisted hand was one of those few.

The way he tells it, he was just standing around, minding his own damn business. When out of nowhere comes this giant, well I thought it was a sea monster, a basilisk or somethin’ but it’s got no fangs. I was just leaning against the edge of this cave. Like this, see. He leans against his mantle to show you how he was leaning. And this thing, well it was only ‘bout ten feet away, and that’s shorter than it is long, mind you. I can see it’s heading somewhere cause it’s big head’s moving up and down the beach like it’s lost somethin’ precious. He juts out his chin and scans his audience from one side to the other to show you exactly how that big ol’ snake looked up and down the beach. And it don’t even look at me twice before it’s barreling straight towards me.

This is always where the old man with the twisted hand pauses to sip his drink, usually some type of whiskey with the label scraped off for the benefit of the kids who come to see him. This is where he fixes you with colorless eyes as tight as he can.

Now if you think that just ‘cause it’s a snake means it’s slow, then you’d be dead wrong. And if you think you’d have time to get out of its way, then you’d be dead. And he doesn’t have to raise his left hand to show you that that’s true.

there are monsters in small places 8

The next thing Ezrah noticed when he mounted Deadman’s Boulder for the first time was that the sirens were terrifying. Their sharp teeth were unnaturally pointed. Their impossibly round eyes always seemed to be accusing you of something. Their silver fins were the only thing beautiful about them. Yes, the sirens were terrifying, but the sirens were also silent.

Ros was not looking at Ezrah. In fact, Ros was not moving. Six siren eyes tracked Ezrah without saying a word. It made him uncomfortable and he wanted to tell them to mind their own business, but he didn’t think they would listen. They slapped their fins idly on their end of the rock only six feet away. They almost looked like women, but the curves that would determine that were lost in scales and disfigured by spines. Ezrah remembered stories about the way siren songs would convince sailors that it was alright to jump off the back of their ship and felt naked coming up here without wax to stuff in his ears. But although the sirens’ mouths are open, no sound comes out.

“Why aren’t they singing?” he asks. Ros’s lips squirm around themselves until they land with the bottom one thrust out below the top.

“They’re listening.” And the thing Ezrah had not noticed about the sirens was that their heads were tilted to one side and their chins were bobbing up and down in six individual nods. They did indeed seem to be listening. Ezrah tried not to look at the sirens again.

“Why don’t you come down?” he asked Ros, “we could go to that cave and we could-“

“No,” Ros said. The sirens watched silently. Some had moved their heads back to indicate their disapproval while some had tilted their necks more to see if Ros was still okay. Ezrah was trying not to look at the sirens.

“But Ros there’s some great-“

“No,” she repeated, “I’m never coming down again.”

“Ros,” Ezrah started, “what’s going on?” Ros was trying not to look at anything. “Ros,” Ezrah raised his voice. “Answer me, please.” Her hands wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

“I don’t want to go down.” But Ezrah would not give up on his plans to explore the cave only half a mile down the beach.

“But the cave is so cool. They say it’s got-“ Ros closed her eyes tightly.

“I’m never going in that cave again.” Her hands wrapped tighter around the sleeves of her shirt to keep them from sliding off her shoulders.

there are monsters in small places 7

Ezrah noticed the sirens’ teeth first. They were sharp enough to dig through flesh like Evander’s fingernails did when he didn’t cut them. Don’t tell Mom. He would always say. Don’t tell Dad or I’ll kill you. Evander liked to skin seagulls back by the old blue shed when he found them, but that wasn’t the only thing that happened in that shed.

He liked to take girls there since he was thirteen and older and cooler than the middle school girls of Brightview. He led them to the shed by the hand and pretended to be sweet. He was good pretending to be sweet. So good that that’s what everyone thought he was. Only Ezrah knew that he skinned seagulls back by the old blue shed. Only Ezrah knew about the girls.

“You know you can’t have a playdate tonight, sweetie,” Mom said. “It’s a school night.” Ezrah pouted. “B-but Lucy said there’s be shooting stars on the beach but we have to go tonight because they’ll all be gone tomorrow.

…

“Why does Evander get to have so many playdates on school nights and I don’t?!” he whined. Evander’s lips sharpened like a blade and froze – it was less than a second, but that was all Ezrah needed to sense the danger. He broke into indulgent laughter.

“What are you talking about, Ezrah?” But Evander did not laugh that night when he stopped Ezrah from climbing into bed by wrapping his hand around his brother’s wrist. His fingernails were like knives.

“Don’t say anything to Mom and Dad about the shed.”

Ezrah tried to squirm away.

“Did you hear me? Don’t say a word.

Ezrah tried to pull Evander’s hand off. He found his other arm pinned to the bed.

“You say one word and I’ll take you behind the shed and skin you, got it?”

Ezrah closed his eyes.

“You got that? Now promise, promise you won’t say a word.” Ezrah promised.

pipe bomb dream 9

Cal’s driving. The music is loud. More than 17. Loud enough to drown out emotions. Silas leans back in the passenger seat.

“Are there parts of the self that aren’t real?” He asks. She shakes her head.

“Nope it’s all real,” she says.

“Even the parts you regret?”

“Especially.”

“So when people say ‘I wasn’t myself?’”

“Bullshit.”

He taps his fingers on the arm of the seat. She looks out the window. The road is smooth and black.

“Abby says I should go see her in the hospital,” Cal says. Silas looks out the window. The trees are lit. Ready for Christmas. The side of her face is shaded black and white.

“Is she pressing charges?”

Cal shrugs.

“Said on the news she’d make me pay.”

The radio blares. Oh, don’t give us none of your aggravation. We had it with your discipline.

“Three in 10 minutes,” Silas says.

“What?’

“That’s how often people lie.”

“Bet no one likes to hear that.”

“Yeah, no one does,” he says

The radio blares. Well they’re packed pretty tight in here tonight. I’m looking for a dolly who’ll see me right.

“I should probably thank you,” he says.

“You probably shouldn’t.”

The radio blares. I may use a little muscle to get what I need. I may sink a little drink and shout out she’s with me.

“Where are we going?” he asks.

Cal shrugs

“Bowling or something?”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

The radio blares. Saturdays night’s alright for fighting. Get a little action in

pipe bomb dream 8

“Who’s breaking?” Abby asks. Cal leans over to take the shot. The pool balls shatter.

The TV buzzes. “…says he does NOT use racial remarks and comments on oil prices…”

“Look, another one” Cal remarks.

“Another what?”

“Another destroyed person.”

“Destroyed?”

“Destroyed.”

Abby does not respond.

“You can’t do things like that, Cal.”

“You hear Sam’s with Lizzie now?”

“Cal, you hear me? It’s not ok.”

“I didn’t even know they were friends.”

The TV buzzes “…break-in at a charity shop has put a damper on the holiday spirit…”

“Do you think existence is cohesive?” Cal asks.

“What? I don’t know,“ Abby says.

“Then why do people always want it to be? Everyone’s always trying to make everything fit together, and it doesn’t belong.”

“She’s doing okay. In case you’re wondering,” Abby says.

“Your turn.”

“Cal, you should visit her.”

“Watch out for the 8 ball.”

“Cal.”

“You’ll have to deflect it.”

“Cal!”

Cal does not respond.

The TV buzzes “…local girl in the hospital today after an altercation at her college. We were unable to reach the school for comment.”

“Ever think about how easy it is to break your toes?” Cal asks. “They’re so fragile. I don’t know why I haven’t broken one at this point.” She sinks a yellow. “I thought I broke one once. I tripped over a ladder and thought, this is it. But it wasn’t. The little toothpick was perfectly fine.”

“Cal,” Abby interjects, “why did you do it?”

“You ever run on a treadmill?”

“I guess.”

“Doesn’t it make you want to punch something?”

The TV buzzes “…have received suspicious looking packages confirmed to be pipe bombs…”

“You know, I almost asked Sam out,” Cal says. “He was into me, too. Would have said yes.” She sinks a yellow. “He’ll find the one now that he’s over me. That’s just how it goes”

“Come on, Cal, why?”

“You’re snookered.”

“Why?”

“Good luck making that shot.”

“Why?!”

“I have anger issues.” Abby is silent. “That’s what you want me to say, right?” Cal sinks a yellow. “It’s probably true.”

The TV buzzes “…a dog becomes a local celebrity this week when he started skateboarding for charity.”

“In all of time, we only experience a few moments, a blink of the eye,” Cal says.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It sucks, that’s what.”

“Look, Cal, I get it―”

“That’s bullshit.”

“What?”

“You spent the whole game asking me why. Now you say you get it.”

“No, Cal, I―”

“At least be consistent.”

The TV buzzes “…local police confirmed the assailant is another young woman from the same college…”

“Cal?”

“Your turn.”

“Cal?”

“You want to hit it soft so you don’t foul.”

“Cal.” Cal pots the 8-ball.

“It felt good.”

“What?”

She sets the balls up in a neat triangular pattern. “It felt good, Abby. That’s why I didn’t stop.”

“Shit, Cal, she’s in the hospital.”

Cal straightens up.

“Who’s breaking?”

pipe bomb dream 7

Cal is sitting with Abby. Talking about who’s with who. About the mating rituals. The animal rutting.

“She’s way out of his league,” Cal says. The girl has long blond hair, an objectively pretty face. He is already balding.

“Maybe he’s nice?” Abby says. Cal laughs. She sees Abby’s pale arms.

“Come on,” her friend defends. “It’s not so hard to believe.”

“Not for you,” Cal says. She sees red. She sees animal rutting. She sees Abby in the sheets. “And that’s fine.” Abby shrugs.

“Hey, look who it is!” She doesn’t look. Her other friend does.

“Oh my god. That guy got so drunk last night. He went home with some random person.”

Cal looks up. His eyes are bright blue. She walks away from her friends. He has a red solo cup.

She takes it. He looks down.

“They like to talk,” she says.

“Yeah…I know,” Silas says. They are standing close. Someone else walks up.

“This your next one?” she asks Silas. She doesn’t look at Cal.

“What?” he says.

“Can’t help yourself, can you? Two dates and onto the next shiny thing.”

He steps back. Eyebrows pulled together. Hurt.

“How did you…?”

“She told me,” the girl says. “She told me how you’re good for nothing but a quick fuck. And not even a good one at that.”

“I-I…” His voice is pitched. Close to breaking.

“What,” she smirks, “you’re gonna cry now?” But she is talking to Cal who is between them now.

“You were saying something?” Cal says. Her voice is soft. Dangerous. Animal rage.

The girl never answers. It turns out. Cal’s fists move against her face, and she falls down. Blood patterns her face as the fists move against her face. She is on the floor. Supine. Helpless.

Supine. Helpless. Red.

pipe bomb dream 6

She’s in the shop. They show two young men on the grainy TV. The shop mechanic’s eyes are lost to the TV. Not sorting drill bits anymore. She starts to deburr her pieces at his table. Deburring, removing of inconvenient edges.

“You know,” he says, “I swear I’ve seen him before. In the shop, probably. That’s why you gotta ask what they’re working on. Because you never know, do you?” Her piece is becoming smooth. No edges. A girl sits down to deburr next to her. The girl’s eyes are lost to the TV.

“Incomprehensible, isn’t it?” the girl says.

“Yeah, incomprehensible,” Cal says. The floor is covered in corkscrewing metal chips.

pipe bomb dream 5

Next afternoon. There are things on the news about a bombing at the marathon. He is in a class. The class has stopped. 2:49 PM. They all talk about the tragedy. He doesn’t waste his words. Silent.

“Did you know anyone at the race?” someone next to him asks.

“Someone’s brother,” he says.

“Someone you know’s brother?”

“No, just someone’s brother,” Silas says. The carpet is purple, or something like that.

pipe bomb dream 4

That night. She’s punching their shared wall. He hears her. Dull thuds. Walls are difficult to punch. 

“Cal,” Silas says. “Cal.”

“Stupid. So stupid,” she says. She uses punches as punctuation marks.

“What,” he says.

“Felt so. Helpless.” Punch, punch. Punch.

“Well…” he says. Resigned. That’s the way it is. She stops.

“He couldn’t even say it.” Her eyes are green. “He couldn’t say it was over.” She punches the wall. Guard up. Jab. She punches in pattern: 1-1-2, pause, 1-1-2. 

He holds her wrists. To stop her.

“Stupid,” she says.

“Stupid,” he agrees.

pipe bomb dream 3

That evening. She walks past the couch. He’s on the phone.

“What I-?” Silas says. Stuttering. He’s caught off guard.

The phone buzzes.

“It was two dates,” he says. Defensive. Cal sits down next to him. Watches.

The phone buzzes. “Where were you last night?” the girl on the phone says. Silence. Silence. “At least you could have told me that you didn’t love me!”

“I-” His voice is pitched. About to break. Cal holds his wrist, takes away the phone, hangs up for him. To stop him. His head fills his hands. Silence. “How do you even know if you love someone?” he asks. “Or if you don’t.”

“Don’t know,” Cal says.

“How can you tell someone then?”

“You can’t, I guess.”